My, How You've Changed...

Good Afternoon,

Over a month since I last posted, I'll get you up to speed...
In the last month there has been the Good:

Trip to Bristol with the best friend, J2. 4hour coach trip made bearable by embarassing literature and poor tastes in music. Actually a lot of fun, not many people with whom I'd spend 4 hours in a confined space with only Heat Magazine for stimulation.
Went to the Urban Art festival in Bristol, Upfest. Caught some pretty amazing artists, ate some highly questionable egg, got horrendously lost on my own (Little girl, big city rule 1: never wander off).
I also couldn't stop thinking about this woman who drove the cross-estuary ferry. She was everything I want to be when I am 50.
Bristol is a beautiful city.

...the Bad:
I've spent so much of the last few weeks feeling horrendous. It's been like living life with an elephant sitting on my chest, and everything I've wanted to do I've had to take the tonne elephant too. I've missed so much, like the beginning of summer, and loads of vocal opportunities, etc, just because I haven't felt like doing anything and when I have done something it's like I really wasn't there at all.


...the Ugly:
Things got unbearable. I can see from the last few posts that it had been building up for some time, but a couple of personal events really sent me spiralling. I was terrified to move, for fear of hurting myself. I had a total lack of control, and was totally overwhelmed by everything I was feeling.
I can really only describe it as being very badly burnt. If you burnt yourself over a large surface area, every time something made contact with that area you would be in excruciating pain. Even things like pillows, and feathers that you would usually enjoy would cause agony to your raw wound.
Emotionally, I have felt like I have no protective skin, and any emotion has been magnified and intensified just by my own heightened sensitivity. Well, that is when I have not been swinging like a pendulum to the other end of the scale, where nothing can touch me because I simply do not care about anyone or anything.

Anyway, it's a lot harder to describe now I'm out of that stage. I always struggle to remember how these real lows feel once I have risen out of them. For this I am thankful.

Girl.x